God’s Time

This blog started out as a Facebook status update but when it got to be a paragraph long I realized it needed to be a blog.

My reward for 5 cover letters, resumes, and applications written/filled out this evening: reading a good book. I know God has his plan, and I know in that plan is my job.

I know this in the absence of a job because he continues to care for me. I continue to receive money and I continue to be energized instead of depressed. I continue to feel the drive to write. I also feel the drive to apply for the job I want.

In the beginning of my job search I applied for any and all jobs. I applied for jobs in and out of my field and I felt the drain. Day in and out I was drained by applying to jobs I was hoping I would never get. Once I stopped doing that, once I narrowed in on the jobs I wanted, once I only applied for the jobs I was driven to get, I stopped feeling drained.

I started to fall in love with positions and I started seeing similar positions everywhere.

I’ve started some traveling journals with close friends in my life, people that I hope continue to be close with as lives get more complicated. One of these friends has already sent it back to me. She asked me what kind of positions I’m applying for. I’m applying for positions in nonprofits that work with domestic and sexual violence victims. I apply for jobs that have me interacting with the women and allow for an aspect of teaching.

I love all the jobs I apply for but I’m not depressed. You might ask yourself, “how is this possible? She’s not getting interviews or call backs. It’s been 5 months how can she not be depressed? Especially when she falls in love with all the jobs.”

To be honest I’m surprised myself but the truth of the matter is that I’m at peace. Weird I know but also the truth. Each new job I read about sounds more awesome than the last. I want all the jobs I apply for. I don’t know how many places I’ve applied to, because I’m not keeping track. If I went back in my sent email box I’m sure I could tell you but I like my peace so I don’t think I will.

God is in control and this process has taught me that. I’m just waiting for My Job and I know I won’t get a job until My Job comes. So I’m at peace knowing that its out there. Don’t get me wrong I do ask God when that job will come and if he could speed things up a bit. But I’m at peace actively waiting for his job for me.

So I continue to apply. Tonight I applied for jobs in Washington state, in Maryland, in Kansas and Missouri. Most are for Domestic and Sexual Violence Advocate and Prevention Specialist.

Doesn’t that sound awesome! I’m energized just thinking about it! And that feeling is why I continue my search, that feeling is why I’m not depressed. That feeling is why I’m at peace.

God is in control and I’m excited to find My Job!

Now I’m gonna read my book and have a good night’s sleep because I’m in God’s hands waiting in his time for the right job for me.



The Merry Go Round That Doesn’t Stop

I feel like I’m on a merry go round that I can’t get off. I have been applying for jobs like crazy lately and I have only heard back from people about nanny jobs.

I’m anxious which is so not helping me sleep. So I’ve been trying to find ways to cope with all of this.

So far I have painted my nails, cleaned my room, watched countless hours of Netflix, taken walks, talked with friends, and still the anxiety rests inside of me.

It’s almost noon and I have already sent out 3 resumes, filled out 3 applications and had a break down in my therapist’s office.

I need a nap. Life is hectic and crazy and I’m not really doing anything. I mean I shower each morning, get dressed, make lunch and dinner and spend hours searching for jobs and filling out applications. But other than that I’m not really doing anything.

All of my friends tell me that I should be enjoying this time but what is enjoyable about restlessness and anxiety. I’d much rather be at a 9-5 making money than worrying about how long I won’t be at a steady job with steady pay and hours.

I do have a small job. I work as a Writing Consultant and the Writing Center’s Workshop Coordinator but it is small in pay and hours. So it keeps me afloat for now but won’t be doing so for long. So I need a real job or I need several other small jobs. If I had several other small jobs then I could work for those jobs while I find one big job that will make it unnecessary to have several small jobs.

The only good thing about this week is that last night I got to celebrate with some friends and Saturday I’m taking a break from the applications. I am spending the day/some time with a friend who has promised to take my mind off all my troubles.

It should be lots of fun and hopefully I will be able to stop thinking about everything.

The hardest part about this situation is that I have no control. I cannot make someone hire me. I cannot make someone look at my resume and decide to give me an interview or give me a position. I just have to wait. The only thing I can do in this situation is send out the best looking resume and cover letter that I possibly can. Beyond that I’m at a loss. Beyond that, there is nothing I can do. I think that is the worst feeling.

I am completely powerless in this situations and it sucks. I really want to get off this merry go round!

But for now I go back to the applications and resumes and searching because I have to and my only solace is knowing that this won’t last forever.

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