Finding Safety in God

“Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. For he will rescue you from every trap and will protect you from deadly disease. He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” Psalm 91: 1-4 NLT

Where do you find your rest? Rest doesn’t mean sleep. It means, where do you go to feel at peace? Where do you go when hard times hit? Do you go to God? I absolutely do. Some one tells me something is going on with them and I say, “I’ll pray for you.” Then I follow that up with actually praying for them. When something is going on with me, I go to God. He is my rest. Worrying about the problem won’t do me any good but bringing it to God and laying it at his feet will. And when I lay my problem at God’s feet I find my rest in the shadow of the Almighty. He alone is my refuge, my place of safety.

He is my God and I trust him. Do you trust God? Do you trust God to be there? Do you trust God to keep you going, to give you strength? Do you trust God to give you love? Do you trust God to get you through the hard times just like he helps you through the easy ones?

He will rescue you from every trap and will protect you from every deadly disease. What do we take from that? I think it’s about putting your faith in God. Believing that he will rescue you from no matter what ails you. But it’s hard to talk about protection from disease or deadly disease because some people get sick, even good and faithful Christians get diseases and die. But what I choose to take from it, is that God won’t leave you in your disease. He will give you peace and comfort and the strength to face it.

He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Beautiful imagery yet again. We will soar on the wings of eagles and God will cover us with his feathers and shelter us in his wings. When I think of this I see a beautiful embrace or hug. God will wrap his loving arms around you and provide protection, shelter and love. His promises to never leave are your protection and armor in your life.

Can you think of an area in your life where you need to fully trust God? Can you think of one thing that you could lay down at God’s feet and leave there, trusting that God will take care of you? Want to give it a try now? Close your eyes and picture a cross or Jesus standing in a room. Now picture your worry or your fear or your trouble, name it. Now walk that worry or fear or trouble over to the cross or Jesus’s feet and leave your trouble there. Ask God to keep your trouble and to not let you pick it up. Trust God to take care of your trouble and to take care of you.

Lord, we thank you for spending time with us today. Lord help us to lay our troubles and worries at your feet and to not pick them up again. Help us to trust you Lord. Give us your peace and your comfort so that we can feel your protection. Thank you for not giving up on us Lord and for helping us to trust you more. Thank you Lord for meeting us where we are and coming along on our journey. Lord be with us each day going forward and help us to put all our trust in you. Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.

Trust

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Do not let your hearts be troubled

Faith Over Fear

John 14:1 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me.”

It is literally storming outside. It’s like the lyrics from a Garth Brooks’ song, “and the thunder rolls and the lighten’ strikes.” I keep getting dings from my phone saying that there is a Severe Thunderstorm warning.

There are some people in the world that see a Thunderstorm warning and get worried. I’m not one of these people. I have fond memories of Irwin, PA sitting on the front porch watching it storm. I love the rain and I love storms as long as there isn’t any hail, I like my car the way it is.

If I hear that a storm “may” carry hail I bow my head and ask for the protection of my car, no matter how silly that may seem. The warning just added hail and I literally stopped what I was doing and asked God to protect my car or just not drop the hail. I know it may seem like a meaningless or silly worry but when money is tight, hail damage is not in the budget. So I say a little prayer asking God not to drop the hail and if the hail does drop, that my car is protected.

Just this past week I was dealing with bigger more serious worries and when I focused on them, they were all I could see. They were all I could focus my mind on, but when I turned to God and focused on him there was nothing else to focus on. My worry wasn’t weighing down my shoulders and it wasn’t even on my mind. Then someone would bring it up or I would turn on the TV and there it would be and then I would pray, reminding myself that there is nothing to fear, that there was nothing “known” in that moment, that God is in control.

And it turned out to be nothing. God is in control all the time and when I acknowledge that, my fear and worry disappear. Just like praying for my car in this storm, I prayed, gave it to God and poof it is no longer my worry. God wants us to remember that he is in control and that we can lay our worries at his feet. God wants us to believe in him, to put our Faith over our Fear.

What’s troubling your heart right now? What fear can you give to God?

Dear Lord, please help us to lay down our fear and worry at your feet. To let go of what is troubling our hearts and give them fully to you. Lord, hear what we are giving to you and when we pick it up again remind us that it is yours. Lord, help us to be free of our fear and to walk in your freedom. Fill us with your peace Lord God. We ask all these things in your peace giving name Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.

 

The Complexities of Vulnerability

Thursday I got another lesson in vulnerability and it is has been something I have been considering for the past few days.

Since I was abused by people who were supposed to care for me and who I was supposed to be able to trust I have found it difficult to trust others.

I’ve been working on this because I know it is an important step in all relationships. Being able to share yourself with others is something that we all need. We all need to find a way to let go of our guard and really share who we are.

I have no problem being transparent with my life. I can share my hopes, dreams and desires. I can share my life story and how I process things but there are certain parts of myself that I hold back.

One part has been my feelings. For the better part of my life I thought that my feelings were bad and I had dissociated them. I would start to feel something and then immediately I would push it away. This happens to me a lot in therapy. I will start to feel sad and the moment I try to connect to it, it goes away and I am left feeling blank.

I have started to share my feelings. I have started to share my needs which is another huge step for me. I used to keep my needs to myself for fear that no one would ever meet them. I have gotten better at telling myself as well as my friends and family about my needs. For the most part, they seem to be able to handle and/or meet my needs but that doesn’t mean that they always do.

This is part of being vulnerable, you have to open yourself up to the possibility of either being loved or being hurt. You have to be wiling to take the gamble.

So I have been learning to be vulnerable with my feelings and that is hard enough but now I have to learn how to be vulnerable with my expressions.

I have this weird tick if you will. Whenever I am mad at someone or upset or even sad I will start to smile.

A few therapists ago, I had one who told me some upsetting news and then he asked me to read his face. It reminded me of a scene from Bones where Sweets is trying to teach Brennan how to read facial expressions and then manipulate people  into opening up to her.

My therapist showed me his face and asked me what I saw. They only thing I saw was anger. Then he started reading my faced and when he told me I looked sad I started to smile.

He asked me why I was smiling and I said that I didn’t want him to be sad that I was sad and I didn’t want him to see that I was sad.

I was vulnerable in that moment and wanted to end the moment by smiling. In this case I knew what I was doing but in some cases I will be smiling at the wrong time without even knowing I am doing it.

Thursday in therapy I was trying to tell my therapist how much him saying that I was a burden last week had hurt me. He explained that we had different meanings for burden. He didn’t want me to feel like I couldn’t take up space which is what it sounded like I was struggling with. And I realized that our definitions of burden were very different.

Anyway I brought up how upsetting that was for me and was inadvertently smiling while doing it. He asked me to try to show him with my face what that was like. So with my words and my face I showed him. I teared up and said that it was hurtful and that I didn’t like thinking that I burdened my friends and family that when he said that it felt like he was confirming the lie that I believe. The lie that no one wants to spend time with me, that they are forced to spend time with me.

While we were having this conversation I began to sit up and he began to scoot to the edge of his chair. By the time the conversation was over we were closer both in proximity and in intimacy.

And I began to realize that hiding my expressions from my face was denying myself and my friends the intimacy of seeing how I actually felt. He said he could actually see and feel what I was feeling. My feelings did not become his own but he could begin to see how much he had hurt me and in allowing him to see it I allowed him to get closer to me.

Of all my therapists this last one has really helped me relationally.

I actually said out loud, “Crap” (except if  you know me, you know I didn’t say crap 🙂 ). I realized that if I want all my relationships to be this close I have to let others see how they effect me. I have to let them see how much their influence in my life changes me and if they hurt me I have to let them see that as well.

Which just means I have to be even more vulnerable which is exciting and scary.

I am just now realizing all the complexities that are associated with being vulnerable and even though I know they are scary they are also worth the journey.

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