I went to a job fair at the beginning of this week. Imagine walking into a room filled with tables and booths and everything there is not for you.
For this to make sense I have to explain my short stint in telemarketing. I got a job in Pittsburg, KS during college. It was a time in my life where I did anything because I needed money. I worked for a DayCare with questionable ethics and practices that still haunts my nightmares and I lasted there a year. This telemarketing job paid really well for a job back then $15. It was way above the $5/hr minimum wage and I was positive I could do it. They trained us in big groups and showed us the script and how to keep people talking no matter how many times they said no. I lasted a whopping 8 hrs and never went back. I couldn’t do it. It wasn’t just that people would be constantly rejecting me, it was that I would be pushing credit cards on people when I knew credit cards were the root of all evil.
Each booth at this job fair was filled with things no one needs. I’m not a seller. I can get people to donate to non profits and causes I believe in but I cannot convince them to get insurance or use a credit card that will get them in debt faster than they can pay it off and get a one-two-punch to their ego and pride for their troubles.
I walked into that job fair, around all the tables and right out the door. I somehow managed to walk right into the path of the organizer. She asked me what I thought of the job fair and I told her the truth, that it didn’t provide what I (a highly educated person) was looking for. So she asked me if I talked to the colleges that were there to see if they had positions at their colleges available. I hadn’t thought of that so I turned right around and walked right back in. I talked to all the schools represented and I might have made some connections which was great, although not the purpose or meat of this post.
Getting fired really messed with me. It messed with my confidence in myself. I love working on college campuses and for months I have felt terrified and inadequate.
How do I put a spin on getting fired when it still doesn’t make sense to me. Yes I made mistakes, I completely own up to that. I hated my job because the fear of getting fired was always on my mind. Every screw up was amplified. Every mistake was like a life or death situation, except it wasn’t. I was working in a testing center, following procedures that didn’t make sense. Testing for students for class placement. Not blood tests. Not dying patients.
I was also working a 40hr per week chaplaincy where if I made a mistake I could be sued. And guess what, I shined in that situation. I was a great chaplain. But I wasn’t a great testing center employee. I made lots of mistakes, nothing life threatening but they wanted me gone because of them and honestly the stress of a 20hr per week job was off the charts and I wanted it to be done.
That job messed with my brain. It made me think I was unworthy to work on a college campus. Now I’m thinking I can. Now I’m thinking I don’t want that job to best me. Now I’m thinking that I can’t do mind numbing work. I need something that allows me to actually help people and isn’t wrapped up in processes that don’t make sense.
This job/ situation will not be the end of me, because I simply won’t let it.
I’m better than that.
I love to help students and people in general so I need to find a position that puts my skills and desires and passions to good use. Now if I could only find it quickly 🙂
Archive for the ‘The Job Search’ Category
I went to a job fair at the beginning of this week. Imagine walking into a room filled with tables and booths and everything there is not for you.
It’s been 21 days since I posted something and for me that seems like a long time. In that time my younger sister has gotten married. I helped out with VBS, finished a baby blanket, and come to the realization that if I don’t think about Celiac and gluten it always comes to bite me in the ass. 🙂
Rebecca’s Wedding was Great! It was a lot of fun. She was super stressed and disappointed about things before the wedding but the day of she took things in stride and had a blast. She wiggled her tush when dad pronounced them husband and wife and that’s the kind of attitude she brought to the whole day. It was great!
The daddy daughter dance at the reception was one of my favorite parts. Dad has this way of dancing to make fun of himself (which other men seemed to share as the night went on) so they incorporated that into the dance. They started with “Soul Man” and finished with a sweet “My Girl.” It was great. Rebecca also danced with Grandpa.
The couple finished the night by walking out to the car through sparklers. It was a great night.
My cousin Jj Long was the photographer for the event. Be sure to check out his page: Long Photography
VBS last week wore me out. I cannot believe how exhausting it was to help out with crafts. I came home at about 1:30 each day and took at least a 2 hour nap. How do parents survive? I guess they don’t have 100+ children running around and they probably don’t work with 20 kids at a time trying to get them excited about a craft.
Ever since I went gluten free I’ve had a sort of blasé attitude. I mean as long as I don’t eat gluten I’m good right? Not really. The makeup was annoying but so are a lot of other things. We got manicures and pedicures before the wedding and my manicure was basically a polish change. No massage because I couldn’t allow them to use their lotion or oil because I couldn’t read the ingredients. I got my hair cut recently (the day of the wedding, risky I know but it worked out great) and I went to style my hair and realized I didn’t have any gluten free styling products on hand. You might be thinking, “who cares if your styling products are gluten free?” Let me ask you this question: how many times a day do you touch your hair? Do you then eat something with your hands, like a sandwich? Imagine that the stuff in your hair is covered with poison….do you really want to style your hair with poison? I didn’t think so.
The other day I was thinking about how awesome it would be to get a facial but I bet I can’t do that anymore either. They don’t exactly advertise gluten free facials. And getting a massage…what’s that going to be like? I’m sorry sir, ma’am but you can’t touch me with that lotion or oil unless I can read the ingredients first.
I ate some salsa this week that made me sick. When I went back to the jar I realized that it just said “spices” as one of the ingredients. How the hell am I supposed to know what your “spices” have in them? I’m of course asking this question because I got very sick that night and the next day.
I miss the days of getting a haircut, going out to eat, or really doing anything without thinking about gluten. I know that Celiac is one of the easier diseases to have but sometimes it really gets me down. I mean I love the weight I’ve lost and how much better I feel when I actually manage to avoid it but I would really love to get a massage without having to bring my own lotion. 😦
In my time away from blogging I’ve also gotten some more rejection letters and these ones hurt a bit more. My first rejection letter was received several weeks ago for a job I don’t even remember applying for, it was one from when I was just applying for anything. Now that I’ve narrowed my focus and only apply for jobs I actually want the rejection letters sting a bit more. They are written nicely and say nice things but they still sting a bit.
I also just this past Sunday was approached by someone with encouraging words from God. It was a great moment but it really deserves it’s own blog.
Alright, that’s all the catch up I’ve got for now. Ta-ta for now, hopefully my next blog won’t take 21 days to be posted 🙂
This blog started out as a Facebook status update but when it got to be a paragraph long I realized it needed to be a blog.
My reward for 5 cover letters, resumes, and applications written/filled out this evening: reading a good book. I know God has his plan, and I know in that plan is my job.
I know this in the absence of a job because he continues to care for me. I continue to receive money and I continue to be energized instead of depressed. I continue to feel the drive to write. I also feel the drive to apply for the job I want.
In the beginning of my job search I applied for any and all jobs. I applied for jobs in and out of my field and I felt the drain. Day in and out I was drained by applying to jobs I was hoping I would never get. Once I stopped doing that, once I narrowed in on the jobs I wanted, once I only applied for the jobs I was driven to get, I stopped feeling drained.
I started to fall in love with positions and I started seeing similar positions everywhere.
I’ve started some traveling journals with close friends in my life, people that I hope continue to be close with as lives get more complicated. One of these friends has already sent it back to me. She asked me what kind of positions I’m applying for. I’m applying for positions in nonprofits that work with domestic and sexual violence victims. I apply for jobs that have me interacting with the women and allow for an aspect of teaching.
I love all the jobs I apply for but I’m not depressed. You might ask yourself, “how is this possible? She’s not getting interviews or call backs. It’s been 5 months how can she not be depressed? Especially when she falls in love with all the jobs.”
To be honest I’m surprised myself but the truth of the matter is that I’m at peace. Weird I know but also the truth. Each new job I read about sounds more awesome than the last. I want all the jobs I apply for. I don’t know how many places I’ve applied to, because I’m not keeping track. If I went back in my sent email box I’m sure I could tell you but I like my peace so I don’t think I will.
God is in control and this process has taught me that. I’m just waiting for My Job and I know I won’t get a job until My Job comes. So I’m at peace knowing that its out there. Don’t get me wrong I do ask God when that job will come and if he could speed things up a bit. But I’m at peace actively waiting for his job for me.
So I continue to apply. Tonight I applied for jobs in Washington state, in Maryland, in Kansas and Missouri. Most are for Domestic and Sexual Violence Advocate and Prevention Specialist.
Doesn’t that sound awesome! I’m energized just thinking about it! And that feeling is why I continue my search, that feeling is why I’m not depressed. That feeling is why I’m at peace.
God is in control and I’m excited to find My Job!
Now I’m gonna read my book and have a good night’s sleep because I’m in God’s hands waiting in his time for the right job for me.
My church recently finished a study by John Ortberg, Who is this Man?: The Unpredictable Impact of the Inescapable Jesus. The last week of the study was to talk about Saturday of Holy Week. We often talk a lot about Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday but we often spend little time considering Silent Saturday.
We are so excited about the awesome news of Sunday that we bypass the sadness and anguish of Saturday. I thought this was really poignant in my own life right now. I’m in my Saturday and have been for quite a few months, 4 I think. I got a rejection letter this past week that literally excited me. They let me know how great my experience is and how awesome my resume was but they went with someone else. I was excited to recieve news even though the answer was a resounding, “no.” I’ve had silence and no news for 4 long months, so long that sometimes it feels like 5. I’ve read 47 books in that amount of time and watched too many TV series and knitted the beginnings of a lot of blankets. My Saturday is filled with moments of silence and moments of crying out and moments of fear. My Saturday is the Silent Saturday and all the anguish that goes a long with that.
Being fired was my Friday. My Saturday has been all this time of trying to find something and I am on my knees praying that my Sunday will come, that I will be lifted from the pain and be welcomed back into the work force.
We all have these times in our lives where something happens or the absence of something is our Friday-Sunday. Don’t dismiss the importance of your Saturday because Silent Saturday makes us even more excited for Resurrection Sunday.
What are you third day stories? Did your Sunday come quick or will it be a long hard battle to see your Sunday?
Comment below if you would like to share your third day stories with me.
This day is all about my usefulness! This morning one of my cousins is dealing with the death of a loved one. I stepped up and brought comfort the only way I know how, through prayer.
In the days since being dismissed I’ve gone through the low moments of questioning my self-worth but this morning I realized something: I couldn’t do that job, so what. I wasn’t meant for menial, low level jobs, praise The Lord!
This morning as I offered a prayer I remembered why I love ministry, why I love helping people, why I love being with people at their hardest moments.
I love my ministry. I was never meant to do that job for very long and I’m thankful that it is over, so that I can do the work that reminds me each day that I have a purpose, that reminds me that I am good, that reminds me that I have worth.
All that job ever taught me was that I sucked at it and that my worth was wrapped up in my ability to do tasks with little purpose. I’m a helper, in need of a helping job, not a job with little purpose.
I’m looking forward to the days of networking with churches in the area. I’m looking forward to the days of finally having a purpose again.
Today is soapbox day, a day filled with writing all the things I neglected to write in the past few months because of a lack of energy, time, and commitment.
I’m hoping that this time of unemployment will be easier than past times. I’m hoping that this time will be filled with moments where God reminds me how awesome I am and where God guides me and gives me strength.
About 2 months ago I moved home, it feels like so much longer than that but alas it has only been 2 months. I moved home because I had to, I was poor and my parents were paying my bills and I couldn’t get a job so I had to move home and back in with the folks.
I had conflicting feelings about it and I continue to have conflicting feelings about it. I like living rent free but I know I cannot live here forever.
Plan A when I moved home was to live here while working part time and doing CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education, Chaplaincy in a hospital). I’ve only interviewed with 2 CPE sites. One was St. Joe and the other was St. Luke’s. I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to get St. Joe because they told me to look elsewhere. I received confirmation of this just a few days ago. I still haven’t heard from St. Luke’s.
I did get a job, that might conflict with these two CPE sites because they have classes on Mondays and I have been told that for this job I would have to work a Monday but I have also been told that you can trade shifts with people so I’m sure I could make it work if St. Luke’s takes me.
The thing is I never thought I wouldn’t get a placement. I never thought it might not happen so I have no Plan B.
St Joe has provided a Plan B. They have asked me if I would like to be considered for their year-long extended CPE that would start in January 2013 and end December 2013. I have asked for more information because I might need a Plan B.
Have you ever heard of “leap of faith?” A leap of faith is when you jump into something with faith and hopefully God will catch you. Hopefully what you hope for will happen. I jumped without a net and it turns out that God isn’t in the pool. 🙂
I know, no matter what happens (CPE in the fall or not) that God is there but maybe he isn’t in my pool, he’s in the pool next to it. Maybe I’ve made a leap into the deep end and God wanted me in the shallow end. I don’t know (I know I’m stretching the metaphor but just go with me).
God has plans for all of us. I believe that when we get off track God can just maneuver us back onto the plan. It’s like we have taken an unnecessary detour but God will get us back to where we are supposed to be. In the end we still get to the same place but it may have taken us longer to get there, than originally planned.
If I don’t get a CPE does that mean I’m on an unnecessary detour? Probably not. I’m sure God will have some reason for me not getting a CPE, even if I have no idea what that is.
I don’t have a Plan B but as I wait for St Luke’s to tell me, yay or nay, I will begin to think about what that Plan might be.
My Plan A included possibly volunteering at one of the non-profits in the area so maybe Plan B will just include a more active role in volunteering than I originally thought. Maybe Plan B will include searching out churches in the area that would welcome a healing group like the one I have developed. Maybe Plan B will include joining a group or two at Knox.
Plan B’s options are endless. Isn’t there some quote that says when we make plans God laughs. Apparently what Woody Allen said was, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”
I’m not really laughing but when your plan fails, when God is in the shallow end, you swim to the surface and move on. You make new plans and swim to the shallow end to meet God.
Time to find a Plan B.