I’m Back

I was doing so good for a while there and then life happened….don’t you just hate it when life interrupts what you have going on?

There I was, being diligent, working out in the morning and after work writing a devotional 3-4 days per week.

And then…poof… I disappeared.

Well, not really. Like I said life happened. I have on a regular basis some dizziness. It’s annoying but not really life altering. But then every once in a while BAM it gets really bad. To the point that I can hardly function. And that’s what happened to me.

I used all my energy to get through the day and then went home and rested hoping it would get better or go away. I had millions of tests done and in the end the dizziness is just part of Fibromyalgia. Which sucks!

I was looking for real answers, not a “This is just part of your disease,” answer. So I’ve been dealing with that. This past week the dizziness has gotten a lot better. So that’s nice.  But that’s where I’ve been, basically trying to survive my dumb body. And what I do when this happens is try to deal with it.

I believe that you have to grieve. I grieve every time some new aspect of my diseases are known or when doctors give me a new disease or affliction. I grieve who I used to be. I grieve what my body used to do. When I first got the diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA), I grieved that a pain-free life was gone. You have to grieve, otherwise you slip into a depression that won’t go away. I may be sad for a few days, but I’m not in my grief and sadness every single day of my life.

My favorite phrase is, “it is what it is.” Seriously, that’s how I move on with my life. I grieve for a bit and then say, “it is what it is.” There is absolutely nothing I can change about my diseases but I can change how I react to them. Some days they make me lay in bed and some days they are a blip on my radar.

Most days my RA is there but it’s not screaming at me. This past week and a half my left hip has been yelling at me. I don’t know what I did, if I did anything, but it hurts like crazy. But then this afternoon it stopped hurting. Why? I have no clue. I didn’t do anything different it just stopped hurting. That’s my body. Sometimes it hurts all over, sometimes it hurts in one or two places and sometimes it doesn’t hurt at all. It is what it is.

So you have to grieve, you have to accept it and then you have to figure out how to “get on with life.” How are you going to get on with your life? I’m going to get back to writing devotionals because it’s actually fun. It takes time, for sure but it’s also fun, to think creatively and not just about deadlines.

The take away: To get through the messy parts of life you have to grieve what once was, accept it and then figure out how to go on. God can help you with it all.

Psalm 46:1-3 NIV “God is our Refuge and our Strength, an ever-present Help in times of trouble. Therefore we will not Fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though it’s waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.”

Colorado pic (Photo by Tammy Waggoner)

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