Uncensored, unedited me!

I went to a job fair at the beginning of this week. Imagine walking into a room filled with tables and booths and everything there is not for you.
For this to make sense I have to explain my short stint in telemarketing. I got a job in Pittsburg, KS during college. It was a time in my life where I did anything because I needed money. I worked for a DayCare with questionable ethics and practices that still haunts my nightmares and I lasted there a year. This telemarketing job paid really well for a job back then $15. It was way above the $5/hr minimum wage and I was positive I could do it. They trained us in big groups and showed us the script and how to keep people talking no matter how many times they said no. I lasted a whopping 8 hrs and never went back. I couldn’t do it. It wasn’t just that people would be constantly rejecting me, it was that I would be pushing credit cards on people when I knew credit cards were the root of all evil.
Each booth at this job fair was filled with things no one needs. I’m not a seller. I can get people to donate to non profits and causes I believe in but I cannot convince them to get insurance or use a credit card that will get them in debt faster than they can pay it off and get a one-two-punch to their ego and pride for their troubles.
I walked into that job fair, around all the tables and right out the door. I somehow managed to walk right into the path of the organizer. She asked me what I thought of the job fair and I told her the truth, that it didn’t provide what I (a highly educated person) was looking for. So she asked me if I talked to the colleges that were there to see if they had positions at their colleges available. I hadn’t thought of that so I turned right around and walked right back in. I talked to all the schools represented and I might have made some connections which was great, although not the purpose or meat of this post.
Getting fired really messed with me. It messed with my confidence in myself. I love working on college campuses and for months I have felt terrified and inadequate.
How do I put a spin on getting fired when it still doesn’t make sense to me. Yes I made mistakes, I completely own up to that. I hated my job because the fear of getting fired was always on my mind. Every screw up was amplified. Every mistake was like a life or death situation, except it wasn’t. I was working in a testing center, following procedures that didn’t make sense. Testing for students for class placement. Not blood tests. Not dying patients.
I was also working a 40hr per week chaplaincy where if I made a mistake I could be sued. And guess what, I shined in that situation. I was a great chaplain. But I wasn’t a great testing center employee. I made lots of mistakes, nothing life threatening but they wanted me gone because of them and honestly the stress of a 20hr per week job was off the charts and I wanted it to be done.
That job messed with my brain. It made me think I was unworthy to work on a college campus. Now I’m thinking I can. Now I’m thinking I don’t want that job to best me. Now I’m thinking that I can’t do mind numbing work. I need something that allows me to actually help people and isn’t wrapped up in processes that don’t make sense.
This job/ situation will not be the end of me, because I simply won’t let it.
I’m better than that.
I love to help students and people in general so I need to find a position that puts my skills and desires and passions to good use. Now if I could only find it quickly 🙂

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