The Line is Blurry

I wrote a post just a few days ago about my upsetting time with the doctor. I’ve been sick for 6 months. Some parts of this sickness are more easily dealt with than others.

Some are time sensitive and at a certain time of day I know I will be out of commission but other parts of the day will be fine but the all day nausea and the headaches and low energy things are where the line is blurry.

I’m talking of the line between its okay to rest and you really need to get your ass out of bed. The line has been blurred today for instance. I have spent a good amount of time resting today. But I have quite a lot to do. Some of what I have to do is prayer related and some is class related. I have a paper due tomorrow afternoon that I really need to work on and I have to do some discernment prayer for my friends. I made a commitment to them and I haven’t been able to do it.

My head is killing me. I just took one of my very large pain pills which is good because it will take away the pain but is bad because it makes me sleepy. I already took a nap today and yet my body says it needs another one.

I guess the line is blurred today because I can’t do. Do you know how absolutely annoying that is? I know that if I push myself to complete these tasks with this massive headache that my paper will suck and my discernment will suffer. Just a few minutes ago I tried to pray for one of my friends. I kept asking God to show me something and at the same time I kept thinking maybe it will be better if I just lay down or if I just sleep for a little while. Or man my head is killing me.

It still is. I am laying down with my laptop propped up on my legs and I am thinking about how much my head hurts. It hurts so much I can’t even concentrate enough to write this post.

The line today is blurry. Am I doing the right thing by resting or am I just being lazy? I know that if I push myself today, tomorrow will be worse but I also know that by resting today tomorrow could be just as bad. That is what is so annoying with this sickness. There is no guarantee that if I rest today tomorrow will be better.

So I rest. I’m going to watch one of my favorite shows and hope that this headache goes away in an hour so that I can either work on the paper or work on the discernment because I know both aren’t going to get done today. It’s sad  but true.

I can only do so much and I hope that each day I land somewhere between getting the right amount of rest and not being lazy.


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