Uncensored, unedited me!

MP3 on Shuffle

I once told someone that I listen to any music except for classical and as my mp3 shuffles the 1,000+ songs I realize that isn’t far off the mark.

The MP3 shuffles from “Bottoms Up” where my foot is tapping, hands are moving and my butt is shaking to some Michael Buble’s “Crazy Love” where he explains how love wrecks him. It is funny mainly because I know all the words to both. I’m excited by the lyrics of bodies shaking as much as lyrics of a man being lost to love.  Music speaks to my soul.

I love to read, to watch TV, to watch movies, to paint, to knit etc. But nothing speaks to my soul like music. When Jeremy Camp sings of the “Healing Hand of God” my heart and soul long to feel that healing hand. I reach my hand to the sky and pray that God will reach his hand out to me.

When Carrie Underwood sings of scratching a guys car with her keys I think of the men who have hurt me in my past by cheating on me and I vow to never let that happen again. I actually smile when she destroys his precious vehicle wishing I could exact vengeance like that on the men that have hurt me.

Music has a way of creeping into places of my soul that I thought were blackened and dead. Music reminds me that I am a pretty amazing person who has survived pretty horrendous things. I rock! 🙂

Its funny to think of yourself as rocking. It has been drilled into me since I was a kid that it is wrong to boast in yourself and that you should always be humble. This idea has sometimes been a detriment to my survival even though I am certain that my teachers, friends, and family did not mean it that way.

I think sometimes its okay to think that you rock. Its okay to believe that you can do something that other’s can’t or haven’t tried yet to do.

TLC, who is currently singing “Creep”, taught through their music that women’s sexuality was something not to be scared of but to take empowerment from. They taught that we should love who we are and protect ourselves. That’s a pretty strong message. They were doing something that no one else had done before and they broke ground on women empowerment.

As we were singing a song in church this morning about giving God our heart I began saying a prayer (under my breath so as not to disturb the other people around me). I began asking God to enter the hearts of every woman in that auditorium so that they would never know pain and loneliness. So that every woman in there would never doubt that God loved them and that they were loved. This simple song about God wanting all of us including our hearts had me praying for those in the church so that they would all know the power of God’s love. Once I was done praying I said a simple sentence that the men in the room would feel the same. In that moment (and previous moments) I was certain that my ministry is to women. Men in this context were an afterthought. I am attracted to men but the ministry in my life is directed at women.

As Taylor Swift sings of “Our Song” I smile at the innocence of her age and the heartache she has yet to fully understand. It reminds me of new and young love. Its fun and sweet. My toe taps to the country beat and my voice sings the lyrics that hold innocence and memories of the first loves in my life.

Music has a way of transforming us and transporting us in to future and past events. We listen to the beats, lyrics and our soul opens up and invites the ideas of others to speak to us.

As Carly Simon sings of “Do the Walls Come Down?” I smile. I think of car rides where my parents blared Carly Simon, Eric Clapton, James Taylor, Chicago, and the dreaded Michael Bolton. I actually love Carly Simon, James Taylor,Chicago,  and Eric Clapton. I don’t love Micheal Bolton. As the song plays I think of trips to Denver, CO to visit family. I think of the games that mom would hand us at the different stops. When we were kids we would get puzzles and other fun games and as we got older we would get magazines. I can remember the smell of the grape game my mom gave me and I can see the pouches that held those games. Our names were embroidered on the fabric and there were pockets for the car ride games where magnets were a huge part. I don’t remember what most of those games were called but I can picture them. As the song plays this memory skates across my mind and it is a happy one.

Songs bring out emotions both positive and negative. I am transported to places and memories and dreams. I love music and I love that I listen to all kinds of music. I am as complicated as my music selections and I love it. 🙂

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