Uncensored, unedited me!

What do movies provide for us? What does music do for us? What do novels do for us?

There are industries devoted to the idea that one day girls across the nation will meet, fall in love and marry the man of their dreams.  I love these movies. I own many of them and watch them all the time. I have favorite moments in each of the movies where the man and woman finally realize their feelings for each other. Its sweet and special and in that moment I want it but then in my jaded mind I remember that that doesn’t really happen in real life.

I remember a few years ago having a heated argument with my Grandpa. He was asking me the question that all singles loath to hear, “When are you going to get married?” Although his question was more like, “When are you going to give me grand babies?” Which is equally loathsome. He then proceeded to tell me that I needed to be rescued by a man.

SERIOUSLY!?! I need to be rescued by a man???? That is when it got heated. He even said that I needed a man on a white horse to come and take me away. He told me that I needed to look for my man on a white horse. I looked at him with my mouth wide open unsure how to get him to back off and to understand that I didn’t need a man to rescue me. Ugh!

I love romantic movies and romantic novels where the woman is strong. Where in the end she rescues him just as much as he rescues her. I love movies where women finally realize what stuff they are made of and realize that they are special. The movies and books that keep my interest are no longer in the “Little Mermaid” genre but live more in the “I’ve just realized just how special I am and now I can fall in love with the man who believes I am actually special.”

I had a friend over on Saturday night and we talked about our college days. I regaled her with stories of clubs and frat parties. We talked about how we used to meet men. She mentioned that now we are in our 30s we wouldn’t want to meet men at clubs or parties. That got me thinking and I asked where we were supposed to meet men. I said, “I don’t even know where I would meet a man I would want to date.” We both sat in silence pondering that. By the end of the conversation we had no answers. Where are the men I would want to date hanging out at? If I could figure out where these men are hanging out then maybe I could hangout there and meet them. But where are they?

I have lived the past couple of years just living my life. Doing things I like to do and not really caring if I met anyone. It was always in the back of my mind but I figured if I spent time doing the things I like to do then maybe I would meet someone that way. It hasn’t really worked for me.

I’m still backseat dating. All my friends have assured me that they don’t know any single men but I feel relaxed. I’m not freaking out and I’m not lonely (at least not as lonely as I used to be). I put it in their hands (and God’s)  and I’m taking a step back and letting whatever happens 0r doesn’t happen, happen. I have no profiles up on any dating sites and I feel pretty comfortable with it.

I went to go see my surgeon today and a resident came in my room. He was hott!! and I inadvertently completely dismissed him by dismissing another resident I had met. I laughed and joked with him. He was really gorgeous and single. And it was fun. I will never see this man again but it was fun to laugh with him.

I want a professional. I want a man with a career. Someone with goals and dreams and a helping heart. I think that the fact that he was a surgeon totally scored him major points. I care for people. I want someone that cares for people as much as I do. So where do I meet such a person? I don’t know. My heart says just continue living your life and get involved in organizations that care for people. Do these things to help people and maybe some day I will meet someone who cares for people like I do. But I’ve already been doing that….

I don’t know. I’m not going to dwell on it but its just something I have been thinking about. I am not looking for a man on a white horse to rescue me (much to my grandfather’s chagrin) but instead for someone to spend time with…..

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