Uncensored, unedited me!

Life’s been so insane lately that I don’t even know where to start.
I’ve been sick, really really sick for about 2 weeks now. It started slow with a headache and then got much worse. For those of you that follow me on Facebook you are probably wondering what has been going on. I have been really cryptic in my postings.

I’m usually so honest and transparent but when it comes to my health I have a tendency to be cryptic. Not that I want to keep that part of my life secret but it is so gross. I mean seriously, who wants to hear about my bowel movements?

But since everyone keeps asking I will tell you. I have been nauseated and have had diarrhea everyday for the past 2 weeks. In the morning I take many trips to the bathroom with cramping. Then I’m usually okay by about 2pm. I feel rundown and I have no energy but I don’t have to run to the bathroom. This usually lasts until about 9pm when I have a headache and a fever and feel like I’m going to pass-out or throw up. 2 weeks of this and I’m ready to give up.

So after a week and a half I went to the doctor (after some encouragement from friends). I told the doctor that I thought I was having a colitis flare-up. She agreed with me but decided she didn’t want to prescribe anything so I have a visit with a GI doctor on Wednesday. While the doctor was examining me she found a weird mole on my stomach and made an appointment for me to see a dermatologist. I was a little freaked out by this because I had a cancerous birthmark when I was kid and had to have it removed. But when I saw the dermatologist on Thursday she said that everything was fine. She gave me a bookmark so that I could watch my mole for changes and she gave me some cream for a foot problem.

So that’s my sickness story. I’ve been really quite sick for 2 weeks but this week has really wiped the floor with me. I went grocery shopping yesterday (mainly because I found some food that didn’t make me feel too awful) and during my trip I took things slow. I walked at a much slower pace but after a few minutes there I started to feel really awful. I started to feel really hot and the ground started to move (it wasn’t an earthquake even though that is possible in Southern California). Luckily I didn’t pass out but that must have been God’s providence. I lasted about another half hour before it happened again and I decided that I had enough to last me a while. Next time I will take someone with me or I will send someone with a list.

So that’s the account of my week. Its been full of downs but it has also been full of ups. Good news from the dermatologist and so forth. Here is now an accounting of the ups of my week.

1. Yarn Night
One night a week my friends and I get together to crochet/knit. We call it Yarn Night because we all use yarn to make something even if we use different means to make our projects. This week my friend Betsy suggested that I have Yarn Night at my house. I thought this was an excellent idea because I could be comfortable at home in case I got sick and I would be in the company of great friends. It worked out great. They came over, we all worked on a project (which hasn’t happened in a while) and I got to visit with people I care a great deal for and they care a great deal for me. It was awesome. I got sick as soon as they left but I had a great time while they were here.

2. Friends and Family
My friends and family have really stepped up to love on me. Everyone has been praying and people have been checking up on me. Its great during this time to be reminded that I am not alone in this battle. I may be the only one who is sick but I know that there are people I can call upon to love me and to carry me when I cannot stand.

3. Books
The best news of the week came from a few good friends and my supervisor at my internship. Gwen, my supervisor, had asked me to research what materials were out there. When I received my calling from God I did some research and found nothing so I was pretty sure nothing was out there but I wanted to honor what my supervisor asked of me. So I searched with no expectations and I wasn’t surprised when I found nothing. She and I decided that I would write the material to be used in the group. I was super excited because that was honestly my dream. I came home immediately and started outlining the curriculum as well as a book idea and a few more fun projects.

One of those projects came from my friend Denise. Denise and I had dinner the other day and she and I were talking about Colitis and so forth. We were discussing how I have been through so many sicknesses so far in my life and always as the abnormal. I have an aliment that only effects women after they have given birth and other ailments that doctors have assured me I cannot have because of my age. Oh please! I have it so what! I’m young so what! Just treat me! Anyway I was getting passionate about all my trips to the doctor and she suggested that I write a book about my experience. That it might be good to share with others how I have met each illness and how I have gotten through it. I liked the idea so I made an outline for that book as well. I was actually really surprised at how quickly the outline came to mind.

The last fun project ideas came from Stacey. I had posted on my Facebook page that I had finished a novel and she had assumed that that meant I had written one. After I corrected her I began to ask myself why I couldn’t write a novel. I used to love writing fiction. I used to win contests and I was published in a high school publication. I have written poems in the last few years that have been so much fun to write so I am going to try to write a novel. I have no idea if it will work or if I can create a fanciful world but I think I can. And even if no one ever reads what I have written it will be fun to just write it. To create a world and write a story. It sounds like so much fun.

So even in the midst of great suffering there has been great fun. I also have been fortunate that this week has not been too hot. I mean I think we got into the 90s one day this week which helped my illness. Its so much worse when I am hot.
I almost forgot that last week I saw Harry Potter with my roommate which was just awesome. It was so cold in there and I was so focused on the movie that I was able to leave my illness behind. It was great.
I was just telling Stacey that there are glimmers of hope in times of deepest darkness. God has been filling me with times of hope this week and I have been grateful because of it.

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