Uncensored, unedited me!

Oh internet dating How I loathe you!
Let me count the ways!

Elizabeth Barrett Browning had the original “How I love thee? Let me count the ways!” It was not Shakespeare as we all assume (I made this assumption so I am assume that you made it too). She might be disappointed by my bastardization of her original but internet dating is annoying me again so Elizabeth Barret Browning will just have excuse me on this one occasion.

Oh Internet Dating
How I loathe you!
Let me count the ways!

The men out there are weird
They post their turn-ons
They actually say things like,
“I love a woman’s calves.”
Really?!?!!

The men out there are cruel
They say things like,
“You need to lose weight before I will ever date you”
Really!?!?
Is that all there is?

The men out there are lazy
They only want you when they are bored
They say things like,
“I’m bored at work, wanna chat?”
Really!?!? Seriously!!!

Is it too much to ask that a man
Talk in complete sentences without things like
4sho, np, or other shorthand nonsense
I want a real man

See the thing is I have been shown what real men are like
Any time I am chatting with some guy online and it gets creepy….
Because believe you me it does…
I can think of them

I can think of a guy I know
A guy who is moving up North
Just for the girl he loves

I can think of a guy I know
That buys me breakfast once a week
Because he knows I can’t afford it
And he still wants to spend time with me

I can think of a guy I know
That respects his wife
That asks for dates
Even if they are just going to go watch Mad Men on DVD

I can think of a guy I know
That opens doors
That asks me how I am doing
And stays to listen to my answer

I can think of a guy I know
That really knows what’s going on
Who asks me how I am doing
And who I never lie to

I can think of a guy I know
Who is real silly
Who makes me laugh
And who is caring

I can think of many guys I know
That are real men
Who have shown me what real men are like
Who have shown me that there are genuine, awesome dudes out there
And that I don’t have to settle

I don’t have to settle for the Atheist who didn’t bother to read my profile
I don’t have to settle for the guy who is 38 and still living at home
I don’t have to settle for the guy that only texts me when he is bored
I don’t have to settle for the guy that has a fetish for “calves” but spells them “calfs”
I don’t have to settle for the guy that gives me an anxiety attack
I don’t have to settle

These men have taught me that there are good men in the world
Every time I get down about internet dating I remember them
I remember
My friend Jason who is married to Yoko who likes to watch Justified and Sons of Anarchy, and occasionally takes me out to Cocos for breakfast and a chat.
I remember
My friend Bino whose faith in God is awe-inspiring, who reminds me of a Rainbow Carebear because light shoots out of him from within and who is moving to Seattle to be closer to his girlfriend.
I remember
My friend Nathan who doesn’t mind talking about my dating woes, who is an awesome man and my pastor and who is married to one of my closest friends Anna.
I remember
My friend TJ who is a huge Chick-fil-a fan, who loves to play games and waits for me to walk through a door first.
I remember
My friend Josh who is the ultimate California boy: he drives a scooter, he is blond, and he works at a coffee shop. He is also someone I have real conversations with.
I remember
My friend Matt who is the center of attention in a room, who has amazing wit and an awesome story and he is the guy who makes me laugh.
I remember
All the other men in my life who are who they are.
Who are married to some of my closest friends
Who are honest and sweet and caring and all around awesome dudes
I remember these guys

These men teach me that there are real men out there
That settling for someone less than would make me less than
That settling would be a disservice to me.
These are the men I think about when some creep is creeping in
These are the men that keep me grounded
These are the men I let in 🙂

Thanks guys for turning my loathing into a celebration of who you are 🙂

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: