I look at my mother and my aunts and my friends that are all in constant pain and I ask myself how do they do it.
They are all strong people. Maybe they are stronger than me.
I work through the pain but then there is just more pain.
I awake every morning thinking this day, this day there will be no more pain.
Then as the day goes on or I roll over I realize that this is not the day where there will be no more pain.
I have meds to take but they just make me sleepy.
I have too much to do.
The world keeps spinning, the work keeps building and I keep laying in bed praying that the pain will dissipate.
I’m not even praying that the pain will disappear.
I am just praying that the pain won’t get in my way.
Sure yesterday I walked to the Library, the public Library. From campus mind you. Just a few blocks away.
And I have been paying for it all day.
I took the stairs yesterday instead of taking the elevator and today I am paying for it.
I grieve for the days when I used to be able to walk all over Pasadena without thinking about how it would effect the following day.
I grieve for a time when I didn’t have to think about how long I need to sit up.
I grieve for times when sitting in class or going to church wasn’t excruciating pain.
I miss the days of watching tv, or sitting and talking with a friend without needing to shift position every few minutes.
I’m going insane. So mom, aunts, cousins, friends: How do you get through the day? How do you stand all this pain? How do you do it?
I know, I know I need to go see my doctor again.
I have emailed her in hopes of not having to pay a co-pay again.
If she has no ideas i have at least 3 people who have given me their chiropractor’s name and number 😉
I have good friends and they keep me sane but in the in-between times, the times of day when I am sitting alone at home with this pain, its hard to keep a level head.