Uncensored, unedited me!

It has a been a week

It has been a week of ups and downs. Of harried work and laziness. I finished Sizzling Sixteen and it was awesome. Definitely a good one although I keep hoping Stephanie will pick a man to be in her life. Even if it is complete failure I would like to see what happens when she picks Ranger over Morelli or Morelli over Ranger.

I watched Letters to God and it was a tear-jerker, cheesy-barf-er, good movie. The cheesy moments in the middle made the movie bearable. Don’t get me wrong I loved it but I cried for over 2/3rds of the movie.

I also watched Date Night which was hilarious. It was laugh-out-loud funny. I don’t know if I would have to own it but I could watch it again.

I also watched all of Hot in Cleveland Netflix suggested it for me and I thought heck. Why not watch it :). It was actually really good which totally surprised me. You just have to get through the pilot. The pilot was really cheesy which surprised me because the rest of the season wasn’t that bad.

I also started to watch The Riches and Dirt as well as Brotherhood but all of these series left something to be desired. I couldn’t stop watching Trauma and Hot in Cleveland but these other series I could stop watching which told me I didn’t really want to be watching them and when you are on your Spring Break you should stick to watching things you actually want to see.

I have had some difficult moments this week despite the fun of reading novels and watching movies. Turns out even during Spring Break you can’t escape your life. Who knew? Haha

I took an inventory a few weeks ago about how far I have come so I thought I would share that here. I have shared it with a few people and they liked the imagery so I thought I would post it too.

Looking Back How Far Have You Come?
I have come to see that it wasn’t my fault
I may not be able to see it every hour of every day but I remember that it wasn’t my fault
I have come to see that actions I was made to do was abuse and not my fault
I have to be reminded because sometimes my heart has trouble believing it but my mind knows it
I have come to see that there is beauty inside me
I may see the dark and damaged pieces but I know that the flowers are there as well.
God opens my heart and allows me to see the beauty
I have become connected to my feelings not only in connection to the abuse but feelings in life in general
And that connection is not drowning me.
I am not drowning in the pain.
I have become connected to me.
There is beauty inside me.
I am growing a garden within my soul.
I have a desire to be touched not just sexually but also innocently
I have a desire to walk side-by-side people
I have been able to drop my anger to feel other things
I have been able to love and connect more clearly with others.
I have come a long way.
I am no longer that bruised, abused child
I am no longer being raped
I can see that God never left me
I can believe that he is there.

Even though it has been a week my head is still above water. I am drowning and I have come a long way.

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