Uncensored, unedited me!


My friend Stacey is moving very soon.  I know that people say we will still talk and I really hope that is true. I mean I know it will take more effort on our part for that to happen.  And I am pretty okay with that but I am still really upset that she is leaving. In my previous blog I wrote that she is my sister in heart.  My soul sister.

There is that song on the radio now and right now I can’t remember the name of it but in the chorus it says “hey soul sister” and that is what she is to me.  What makes us so close?

I like to think it is like/difference.  We are alike in some ways and completely different in others.  We share deep conversations and I really like that.  Fakeness and surfaces annoy me. I am not fake. What you see is pretty much what you get. I have a tendency to be private and to sometimes have walls around my heart but I try to be transparent in everything I do.  When people are fake in my presence it drives me insane. Stacey is never fake or surfacy (that’s right I just made up a word).  When people are surfacey they never share what’s beneath the false self. The false self is what we project to outsider, that we have it all together. I don’t have it all together and I don’t pretend to have it all together. 

With Stacey I can be who I really am and my walls come crashing down.  In some ways she has been a mentor to me.  Our backgrounds are somewhat similar. They are in no way a mirror of each other but there are some similarities that allow us to relate well to one another.  Families are organic changing beings and her family has changed since I have known her and it has been interesting to see that come to being.  I love her and I am going to miss her dearly.

I think she said last year that being here (at Fuller) a third year is really hard and I am beginning to see why that would be.  It is really hard to watch your friends leave.  I mean a good portion of my friends are still here but most of them are just as busy as I am.  Even Fuller is changing the way they do things. 

Stacey is the person I go to when I need to spend time with people.  We can laugh together which is awesome. I don’t think I have ever cried with her. But I hate crying with people.  I can’t do it. I was sitting at a meeting tonight and I could feel myself starting to cry and I was trying really hard not to do it. I mean biting my lip and trying anything to keep myself from crying.

She is who I watch movies at the $2 theater with and who I watch TBBT with and who I love spending time with. Don’t get me wrong I have lots of amazing friends but this amazing friend is leaving.

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