So I don’t know if you have noticed or not but I have been lonely as of late. So I did what I usually do when I am lonely: I look at online dating.
Now in the past I have had horrible luck with online dating. I have met losers and abusers. But when I get particularly lonely: once a year or so I go find a new site and search.
I think men and women think differently about these dating sites. Or maybe I just think differently about these dating sites.
I have come up with some rules for these dating sites:
1. Post a good picture. What is up with these side shots or photos where you look angry. 9 times out of 10 I will click on someone who is smiling or who is dressed well. I’m not saying you need a photo with a suit on but you should look good. I mean would you click on a girl’s picture if she looked sloppy and angry in it? Your photo should be a good representation of who you are. If you are laid back you should be wearing jeans and a nice shirt, if you are classy dress up a little, if you are a slob then dress accordingly. In essence you are trying to sell yourself. You are trying to say I am a good-looking guy read more about me.
Sure in real life and on websites dating is about personality and character more than looks but if you want the right girl to click on you, you must have a picture that makes her want to take a deeper look. We are all physical beings, looking for someone who will match us physically and someone we would want to have sex with. That’s just life. When you pick out a mate physicality matters once you get to know that person, their personality makes you like them even more but if you sell yourself short no one will look at you.
Looks do matter and personality can either make you look better or worse. There is this guy I know who looks really great on the outside but is kind of ugly on the inside. His wrapping is fantastic but the gift kind of sucks. If you want a girl to take a look at the gifts you have to offer your wrapping has to look good as well.
2. Take time to write answers that make sense and are edited well. There is nothing more annoying than a guy that doesn’t bother to answer the questions and who makes millions of spelling mistakes. It annoys the hell out of me when a guy uses the wrong word or spells a word wrong. I am an intelligent woman and I want a guy who can spell and edit his own writing. Maybe I am being too picky but 2 miss spelled or wrongly used words and I close your profile.
I have been on these kinds of sites for years. I have read millions of profiles and I can tell the guys who want booty calls from the guys who want something serious. The booty calls just post their picture and nothing else. The guys who want something real answer the questions.
Guys if I read your site you should have something there and you should bother to read what I post as well. Nothing is more annoying than talking/e-mailing a guy for weeks and then finding out you disagree with me whole heartedly on an issue I think is really important. If I take the time to write something you should take the time to read it. Now I don’t read those color profiles or compatibility things either but the stuff I actually write you should actually read. Sure websites ask the weirdest questions like “Describe your perfect first date” but take the time to read my answer.
3. Don’t be too romantic in your profile. When you describe the perfect first date it should be realistic. Guys that post things like “long walks,” or “romantic dinners” or any other crap like that are annoying. Maybe I am jaded or maybe I have met too many losers online but crap like that screams you have never met anyone from online or you have never been on a first date. First dates are awkward. You are trying to learn about each other and figure out who the other person is. You don’t need the added pressure of romance. Plus you have no idea what the other person finds romantic. First dates in my opinion are best when the pressure is lessened by a group event. If you are meeting someone online you should always meet in public, so why not set up something real low-key and chill and maybe even fun. Like going to a baseball game: you meet there; her friends in tow and your friends in tow. A real low-key day/evening where there is little to no pressure and you get to know each other in a fun atmosphere.
We have grown up in this age that says that first dates need to be sexy, romantic things where it is all about getting to that first kiss. But even that is rushing things a bit. Shouldn’t we slow down and get to know each other. Posting that a perfect first date should be romantic is fine if you already know the person and have a relationship. Movies are a horrible idea because you are trying to get to know this new person and a movie where you have to sit silently next to a person you barely know for 2 plus hours is a bad idea. If you need a movie to develop conversation you are not much of a conversationalist. Just because you have spent weeks talking to someone online doesn’t mean you know anything about that person. It reminds me of the beginning scenes of the movie “The Ugly Truth” when Katherine Heigl goes on a blind/internet date and she brings the person’s entire profile. Just because you read some stuff online about a person does not mean you know that person.
First dates are about getting to know a new person and they should not be about “romance.”
4. Don’t rush communication. You should bother to read my profile and you should bother to take things slow. Don’t rush to IM me or meet quickly. Nothing screams booty call louder than a quick meet. We talk for an hour online and you already want to meet, that is too fast. Slow down. Why does everything have to be so fast? It is your job to earn my trust and to make me want to meet you. If you ask me to meet you the night we talk I am going to run in the opposite direction because all you are looking for is someone to hook up with.
If we met in real life you would need to earn my trust and to make me want to date you. The same is true for online dating. Think of it as meeting in person. When you click on my profile you may get more information than you would if we met at a coffee shop but it is kind of the same. If I met some guy at a coffee shop and he asked me out right then I would say “No, I don’t even know you.” This guy would have to meet me several more times. He would have to put forth the effort and show me he is a nice, respectable guy, worthy of my trust. The same goes for online to real life meeting. When we meet for the first time it is like a first date (no matter if we meet that night or meet weeks later). I would not go on a first date with a guy I met once at a coffee shop. I would need to see him at least 3 or four times more before actually going on a date. The point is just because we meet online instead of in line at Starbucks doesn’t mean you don’t have to earn my trust.
Take it slow.
I could go on and on but I feel like 4 rules are plenty to begin with. Good luck!