Uncensored, unedited me!

“Saving Grace”

Saving Grace is a show on TNT on Monday nights at 10/9c.  It’s a show with really weird theology that I actually really like.  It makes me think about God and how we each relate to him even those we do not know him.

I have a HUGE heart.  I cry at those Army commercials, the ones where the army woman (or man depending on the commercial) is walking through the airport and people allow her to go through the line first and then the old man stands up and claps which makes everyone else clap.  I cry because of the appreciation and the love. 

Tonight I cried during the episode of Saving Grace because this man on death row died.  I cried because I felt what he was feeling.  How is that possible?  Yesterday when I was watching North & South I cried because I felt what the man who commited suicide was feeling.  I think I might be feeling too much lately.  Could be stress but I know what it most likely is.

Anyway I was watching Saving Grace tonight and thinking about the paper I have to write for my systematics class. We have to write a statement of faith where we explain our own faith.  That explanation is our own. We are not to use any outside sources.  Which seems like an easy assignment and it probably would be if I wasn’t in the process of changing my mind about things.  I have been taught all my life that the Presbyterian way is THE way because that is what my Presbyterian Pastor father taught me.  But lately I have been rethinking things.

I am definitely a feeler and in the past year or so God has shown me some amazing spiritual gifts that in my tradition I didn’t even know were possible.  God can show me who is abused by showing me rain around them when I am sitting in a classroom.  (That one really freaked me out).  God can show me weird visions when I ask him to (and even when I don’t).  God has always spoken to me and usually when I heard him it was like a two-by-four hitting me over the head but lately, when I have been listening it hasn’t taken a two-by-four.  It has only taken a soft whisper.

God speaks to us, all of us but we choose whether or not to listen.  I have been abused, I have had things forced upon me so I cannot stand to think of God as someone who forces things upon us. I would rather think of God as someone/something that opens his loving arms and allows us to come to him.  Maybe that’s wrong.  Maybe everyone else is right and God chooses us or forces us to come to him.  But my own faith, my own experiences make me doubtful of that. 

People have problems with my ideas of God as opening up and waiting for us because they think this lessens God’s power.  That’s CRAP! God is still the powerful God even if he allows us to make that decision.

That’s where the show Saving Grace comes in.  In the show Grace has this weird experience with an angel Earl that is trying to save  her.  Hence the name of the show “Saving Grace.” I like this idea that God saves us in our time.  It makes sense to me.  In my extended family there are all kinds of people: believers and non-believers, democrats and republicans, gays and straights, (you name it I probably know someone that has either had it, said it, or did it).  When I think about my theology I think about my family.  I think about how God might move in their lives.  I think about how God might meet my Cousin who is an alcoholic and tried to commit suicide.  I think about my Aunt who cannot comprehend a god that would let people abuse other people.  I think about my gay Uncle.  I think about my Republican Uncle who cannot listen to anyone but himself.  I think about all these people when I think about my theology.  How would God meet these people? How would God enter their lives? My Republican Uncle will not see God if he is overbearing but he cannot be soft spoken either.  How could God meet my gay Uncle? How can he meet my Aunt? How can he meet my Cousin?

My huge heart allows me to think about these things.  It makes me think about these things.  I ask these questions because I want to know how God meets the real person where they are.

Watching Saving Grace helps me to think about these things.  I am hoping in the next couple of days I can come up with some of the answers so that my theology will make sense.

Lord, help me to do that!

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